SCENE: (Kate or Carol to read this story. Have rest of
cast acting out the scene in mime.)

KATE or CAROL: OK children, settle down and listen to
this story. It’s the last book by "Dr Seuss", and its
called The Twat in the Hat.



The rain was just pouring that cold, cold, cold day
And President George had no war games to play.
"I’m bored, I’m SO bored" he cried with a pout
There must be some towel heads out there I can clout"

So the President rattled his very small brain
‘Til the veins caused him pain, nearly drove him insane
It flew from the blue, a notion so true
That he did a big poo whilst not sat on the loo 

"Attack Iraq" said the twat in the hat
"Make it flat as a cat that’s been mashed by a bat
Drop the bombs with aplomb ‘til the towel heads have gone
And we’ll wham that Saddam with all that we can"

"Sure thing," said the Rumsfeld who sat by his side
"And I’m sure that Blairtony will come for the ride
I’m sure, yes I’m sure that he will come too
He moos, koos and woos at all that you do"

So they got on the phoney, they rang the Blairtony
And spoke some baloney to their naïve crony

And he replied: 

"Yes,
We’ll drop bombs with aplomb ‘til the towel heads have gone
And we’ll wham that Saddam with all that we can
We’ll attack that Iraq, put the twats on the rack
‘Til it’s as flat as a cat that’s been mashed by a bat"

The twat in the hat gave his hat a quick pat
A fan of the plan to slam that Saddam
"He’s mad and he’s bad that cad from Baghdad
But soon we’ll kaboom that loon to the moon"

So they grouped up the troops and whooped up those dupes
These beasts headed east, to make towel heads deceased
But the twat in the hat and that crony blairtony 
Got troops dead and bony ‘cos their plan it was pony

So, say no to the mofo of this tale of low woe
The twat in the hat, that rascally rat
And man, I don’t give a damn for that madman Saddam
But there are plenty of others who are fuckers of mothers.